Feedback

Last night I gave my first draft of the script to a friend who has no previous knowledge of the industry and asked for some feedback. I watched him read it and was amused by how his face changed from concentration, to surprise, to horror to compassion.

My main concern about the script is that it is far too long. He agreed with this, and said that although he wasn’t bored at any point because the subject matter was so new to him, that it did seem very lengthy. I am torn on this, as originally I did want it to be a short film, however with my objectives for the film being to educate my audience on how the industry works and to change people’s preconceptions on it, I really do feel that a greater level of detail is needed than I would be able to include in a ten minute piece. At the moment I think the film would run at around 25 minutes, which although isn’t particularly long, I think would seem longer because it is mainly just talking with very little action or narrative. I don’t regret not creating a narrative for the piece, as I wanted the style to be very matter of fact and to include as much information about the industry as possible; however it does mean that I’m going to have to be very selective about what I include. I have decided that I have two options: either to shorten the script so it runs at around fifteen minutes, or to split the scrip in two, and make a two part documentary, both sections running at around ten minutes. I think I prefer the idea of shortening my original script, as I feel that the structure I currently have works really well.

Another comment was that the section describing bookings was a bit too much detail about the acts themselves. Looking over it now, I agree. Although the words are completely those of my interviewees, I’m concerned that using these graphic sections about the sexual acts the girls undertake do not aid an audiences understanding of the industry, and might instead push them further away from a lot of the people watching. Reading back, the inclusion of this particular section feels a bit too voyeuristic, and turns the piece into a fetishized exploration of what the women are doing. This scene for me perfectly demonstrates this quote, taken from “Acts and Apparitions” by Liz Tomlin.

“It is the artists who will design the framework of the process; be that specific questions or simply recording over a period of time whatever is said, and it is they who will decide what material to use and how.”

Although it is not inaccurate representation of what happens in the industry, the consequences of including it might be that I alienate the audience, and the rest of the important points that the girls make might be viewed in a completely different way. For this reason I have decided to cut the section about standard bookings, backed up by the fact that the girls did state that there “is no such thing as a standard booking”. I feel that perhaps asking about a standard booking was a leading question, asked not so much in the best interests of the people involved, but more because I thought it would make interesting viewing.

He also mentioned that the scene about the differences in sex was also a bit too detailed about the act itself, and again I agree. It is a long section and compared to the other two sections which centre around how the job affects interactions with others (Relationships with / as an escort and complications) I feel that it is the least informative. In a way, I don’t want to focus on the actual sex, as from talking to the girls it is actually a very small part of what they do and a relatively insignificant element of the industry. Rather than shortening this section I have decided to cut it completely. I think some of the interesting information from this section is covered in relationships with / as an escort.

The last comment was that the “fart section” in the final scene seemed really out of place, and interrupted what could be an important climax for the film. It comes right after the section where my interviewees express their opinions on the law, which was the key issue that I wanted to film to explore. In a way the rest of the film is leading up to this, preparing the audience to challenge their own opinions about the legal side of prostitution. I do not want to undermine this by lowering the tone with toilet humour, and although I still want to include a final comment from the girls have decided to change it. I have scoured the interviews and cannot find a suitable piece for this, so am going to contact Ella and Ivy and ask if they have any final comments, which I forgot to do in our previous interviews. Ivy is now in Australia, so they have agreed to comment via voice notes on WhatsApp, which is incredibly kind of them.