Interview with Dirk

A couple of days ago Dirk gave me a phonecall, letting me know that he would be interested in speaking to me about his experiences and opinions regarding the escort industry. I was absolutely thrilled to get the call, and we arranged to meet up for coffee today to conduct the interview.

Dirk has been using escorts for nearly 30 years, so had a lot to say about the industry, and was very open about his experiences and thoughts, which I massively appreciated. Here are my thoughts on what we spoke about.

1. Some men see using escorts as different to having an affair, and actually do so to avoid having an affair. This was really interesting to me, as it says something about how the emotional side is completely different when you are paying for sex.

2. Other parts of the world see the sex industry in a completely different way. Dirk explained to me that his first time paying for sex was in Thailand, and that the social stigma attatched to it is much less than in the UK. Later, when we were discussing the legal side he suggested this was down to sexist attitudes in our society. This makes a lot of sense and his views on double standards about male / female sexuality back up my suspicions that old fashioned views about how women should behave have an impact on our laws. Dirk also explained to me that one law states that two girls working from the same place is illegal, but just one isn’t. This strikes me as completely bizarre, as if the law claims to be in the best interests of the girls’ safety, then forcing them to work alone in houses seems very counterproductive.

3. In regards to the UKPunting forum boards, Dirk has had a big change of tune since becoming close to an escort. It was really interesting to hear how once he started seeing her, he realised just how much of a negative impact what was being said could have on people. This goes to show that most of the men on there don’t really see the girls they are talking about as humans with feelings and lives outside the industry, which is how they justify their comments. I think this is a big problem in general. Rather than seeing the industry as being made up of individuals who happen to do the job, it is easy to define the escorts by their work and make assumptions based on this one aspect of their lives. I don’t think most people would say that their job is their whole identity, and I think this is an important point for me to remember when making the film.

4. There really isn’t any one reason that guys pay for sex. I know this might sound obvious, but Dirk explained to me how much his motivations change at different points in his life and even from girl to girl. I had assumed every guys reasons would be different, but didn’t expect there to be such a variety of motivations from one person. This really does prove that that you can’t make assumptions about the industry, it’s as varied in its reasoning and individuals as the rest of life.

5. There is a very blurred line between a “pimp” and an agent. I have to say I was shocked to hear this, as from watching TV shows such as secret diary of a call girl, agencies are portrayed as very high class and reputable. To hear the comparison made in this way really highlighted some of the problems facing the girls, and the trouble that arises when decisions about this sort of work are taken out of the individuals hands. The way Dirk spoke about agencies made them sound like a lot of them take advantage of the girls, using them for financial gain and giving them very little in the way of support and security, as I assumed would be the case. I want to ask Ella and Ivy about this, as Dirk’s perspective is from the other side of the fence, rather than seeing what actually g oes on directly between the girl and the agent.

There are lots of questions that I discussed with Dirk today that I want to get Ella and Ivy’s perspective on, specifically:

Is it different having relationships when you are escorting?

Do people use escorts for purely physical reasons?

What is UKPunting used for?

What are the advantages / disadvantages of the site?

How does the sex differ with a client vs a non-client?

What are you views on agencies?

What would you say the best bit about the industry are?

What are the worst things about the industry?

Do you think the laws got it right?

I want to present a balanced image of the industry, so its important that I hear both sides on these points. I’m really curious to see how much they agree on these topics, and if they disagree then what are their reasons for doing so.